The checklist every person needs..
Although some might enjoy throwing caution to the wind, most of us will overthink a situation before surrendering to a potentially life changing event, such as entering a new relationship.
All of us have been hurt, disappointed and lied to in one relationship or the other. The truth is, that that’s how we grow and learn. And then there are some couples who are crazy in love until they move in together..
Life is a gamble and although we cannot control the future, I do believe we can manipulate it by trying our best to choose our partners wisely. Even if things do not work out, you will feel more content with the outcome if you know you’ve tried your best to avoid wasting your time.
So how can you know for sure whether a relationship will last? No one knows.. If we had that superpower, the world would be a much happier place!
In my life, I’ve made some horrible choices when it came to relationships. Luckily wisdom comes with failure and I believe that I’ve finally figured out what to look out for when you don’t want to waste your precious time on someone, only to start all over again in a few months.
Below are my tips and pieces of advice for testing the waters properly before you jump into a new relationship. You can thank me later..
1. Age is nothing but a number
I’m sure everyone is familiar with this phrase, and I totally agree with it. There is an 8 year age gap between myself and my partner, and I’ve never been this happy!
The downside to this approach is that people only tend to look at it from one side and, by using this phrase, usually refer to the older persons age and the obstacles that age gap could cause.
You need to consider your own age.
Who exactly are you right now at this very moment in time?
You need to think about the fact that change is inevitable. Who you are now, is certainly not who you’ll be in a years time and you’ll be growing constantly,both mentally and emotionally.
Your plans and priorities will change together with your personality.
Is this person willing to grow with you?
If your potential partner is much older, you need to consider whether he/she will let you grow?
Sometimes older partners tend to be more set in their ways and would not be up to major lifestyle changes. On the other hand, younger partners might not always be mentally and emotionally prepared or invested in growing with you.
Every relationship scenario is different, but this is definitely something that could make or break whether it will last or not.
2. Personality Type
The first rule here is that THERE ARE NO RULES ON THIS!
Stop feeding in to quizzes and articles telling you which personalities match best. Although there is some truth to it, you shouldn’t be taking it too seriously.
All personalities can be attracted to one another. No person is the same. Some people may be attracted to personalities similar to their own, while others could be attracted to the complete opposite.
It is not the compatibility of personalities that makes or breaks a relationship, but rather the effort and work we put into understanding and embracing BOTH personalities in the relationship. Without this, not even the most ‘compatible’ relationship will last.
In order for you to know whether you’ll be able to stick with this person or not, is to know yourself! If you’re an extrovert who likes being the center of attention, you might become annoyed with someone who is overshadowing. Or, if you’re an introvert and lack some social skills, you might prefer someone who is a little more talkative.
In the end, it’s all about balance. I do believe that two extroverts can make a relationship work just as well as opposites who attract.
You need to think long and hard about who you really are and consider the other persons personality before moving to fast.
What would you do if you were really into someone, only to find out they have a completely different lifestyle than you expected?
Eg. : You’re an OCD Lawyer and meet someone during a night out. You go on a few dates and things are going great. Until he invites you over to his place, and he turns out to be a hoarder….
How would you handle this situation? Love is not always enough! You need to try and establish boundaries of what you’ll be able to compromise in the long run. If you’e pretty sure it won’t last long, go with your gut feeling.
There’s no use in wasting someone else’s time either.
4. Time flies..
Time is precious. You’ll need to figure out how much time you have to invest in the potential relationship.
If the potential partner is clingy and dependent on you, then it’s best to not commit unless you have a lot of time on your hands. Make sure your potential partner understands that life gets in the way sometimes and that it’s okay to spend time apart.
Again, you know yourself.
If you enjoy ‘alone time’, make sure your partner understands this from the get-go.
6. Conversations to have before committing to a new relationship
- Talk about religious views
- Talk about political views
- Consider negative feedback to your relationship and discuss how you will overcome it.
- Talk about your future plans
- Get any uncomfortable facts out of the way
- Ask about each others previous relationships. You can learn a lot from someone by the way they describe their previous partners and relationships.
- Talk about future marriage and children, and make sure you both have the same priorities.
- Talk about your families.
- List your flaws and bad habits, and ask the same of your partner
- Ask as much questions as you can
- Discuss any health issues if applicable and whether the person is on any medication.
- Make sure there is emotional stability.
- Make sure of the persons intentions
- Meet the friends and listen carefully to how they speak of your potential partner,
- Talk about sex. A lot. Making sure you’re both on the same page is critical. If your potential partner is in to BDSM, you need to know this before making a decision to commit or not.
- Be open minded and ask intelligent questions. Ask opinions and views on certain topics, rather than the basics like their favorite foods.
My partner is always joking about how I had a whole checklist when we met. I had to know everything, down to her blood type. Although it does sound kind of strange now that I am writing this, I am forever grateful that I annoyed her with my million questions. For the first time in my life I feel like I’ve finally made the right decision with regards to a relationship. I have never been this happy and I know I’ve met my life partner.
I would never have been able to gain this understanding if it wasn’t for all my bad decisions in my past, but I have finally come to the conclusion of all successful relationships. Love yourself. If you do not know how to love yourself, get to know yourself. Study yourself over and over again until you know yourself better than anyone else. Until you accept yourself for who you are. YOU should be your own favourite person. Lean to love your self and enjoy being by yourself first, and all else will fall into place.
Question: What advice do you have for testing the waters before committing to a new relationship? Which ones stood out the most?
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!