We’ve all either been in a situation like this, or know someone who has. Either way, you’ve probably experienced this in some way or another. We tend to think that people are overreacting when they’re shattered after a break up – especially when they’ve only been in a relationship for a month. People tend to be of the opinion that mini-relationships aren’t reason enough for a broken heart.
This couldn’t be further from the truth, and in this post I will explain why this is perfectly normal.
How it usually goes..
So, you’ve been dating this person for about a month. For the first time in years you are truly happy and the happy hormones are on full blast. Nothing can steal your joy! Your life is perfect and so is your partner. Even little things that would have bothered you in any other instance, will not bother you now. That is what it’s like when you’re in love. Love is blind.
You eat less and become more active. You look good, feel great and you’re probably experiencing an all-time high at this stage. Your lust for life is clear and you’re full of positivity for your future and life has never felt as good! It’s like you’re on drugs!
Then, the unexpected happens.. your partner breaks up with you. Wait, what? You definitely did not see this one coming. You’re shocked, confused and heartbroken. It feels like your world has been crushed. Every little bit of brightness has turned to darkness. All your hopes and dreams of the future has been ruined and you’re left with questions, anger, disappointment and resentment. Most of all, you feel unworthy and inferior. Was this just a mini-relationship? Because you were so sure that you were putting your best foot forward and that you looked your best.. if they broke up with you at this stage, making it a mini-relationship, would you ever be good enough for anyone else?
You officially hate your life..
Reasons Why This Happen
Now you start asking yourself. Why am I feeling like this? Am I just desperate? It’s not like we’ve been together for long.. we haven’t built a life together. Am I really just a drama queen? Mini-relationships are not supposed to have this effect!
YOU NEED TO STOP RIGHT THERE!
You are not desperate, neither are you a drama queen. Society has taught us to think that people who go through break ups after years of being in a relationship have it worse than people who’ve been in mini-relationships. You’ll always get more sympathy and support from friends and family if you’ve broken up with someone after a few years. When you’ve only been dating for a short period of time, they will generally just feel that you need to pick yourself up and get over it.
I disagree with this 100%. You are much higher on love in the first few months of a relationship than you’ll ever be in the later stages. Most people who have been together for years, have gotten over the corny gestures and they are very much comfortable with sleeping on their own. They’re less dependent on their partners and are more comfortable with each other. Yes, they’ve build lives together and have become the greatest of friends. But that doesn’t mean that a break up is necessarily worse for them. They might have more to lose in the greater scheme of things, but I feel that the emotional impact is much more significant in people who’ve broken up after a short period of dating.
What can you do about it?
Tips on dealing with the end of mini-relationships
As with any other relationship, there are no set ways of how to get over a break up. Everyone is unique and circumstances differ. It also doesn’t help if you just DON’T want to get over your ex. However, if you’re still reading this, you’re probably interested in helpful ways to deal with your mini-relationship breakup.
My tips might seem harsh, but I believe that the only way for you to get over someone is to cut all ties with them completely. Even if just for a year, you’ll thank yourself later. All that BS about being friends afterwards is unrealistic and will just leave you feeling like there’s still a chance. Who says you can’t be friends in the future? Sure, maybe you can! But you have to practice self love first in order to set boundaries within that friendship. YOU come first and you need to take care of your emotional health if you want to pursue a friendship with this person in the future. A break-up (especially after mini-relationships) can have long lasting emotional effects and if you don’t deal with them, the friendship will go sour very soon.
If you follow these tips, you’ll feel like a new person in no time!
- Delete all pictures, songs and messages from that person. Delete or block the number if you must. If you are sentimental and don’t want to delete the images, videos and songs – save them onto a USB stick and hide it where you can’t reach.
- Change your environment. All endings are new beginnings. No matter how tragic the ending is, something else is always to follow. I’m by no means suggesting quitting your job and moving away. Start with small things. Move your furniture, paint your walls. Change is as good as a holiday. Change your phone’s theme, wallpaper, ringtones and fonts. Change everything as much as you can in order for you to start afresh.
- Reach out to your friends and family. They might not be very sympathetic, but this gives you a chance to educate them. Talk to them and explain why you’re feeling like this. Show them this blog post if you must. People don’t think of it like this unless they read it. You’ll see that by gaining understanding of why you feel so heartbroken, they will be equipped to support you. You will also stop feeling like ‘people don’t understand’, which will help you to get back into socializing with others.
- Start a new hobby/activity. Starting a new hobby/activity will occupy your mind and make your days seem shorter. If it’s a physical activity – even better. Team sports are great to get back out there and engage with a new group of potential friends.
- Start journalling. Write down your feelings. You don’t have to write every day. Write about your feelings and why you think you feel these things. Write about what you need to do/change in order for you to feel better. This will help you to put things into perspective again and refocus your goals and ambitions.
One last thing to try, when all else fails!
Write a letter to your ex. It’s important to note that this is for your personal use only and is not to be mailed to them! Write about your feelings and how you’ve experienced the break up. Thank them for lessons you’ve learned while you were dating and what you’ve learned from the break up. Thank them for all the positive changes they’ve brought about in you – if only for a little while. Thank them for making you the happiest person on earth for a moment in time and let them know that you forgive them. Let them know that you’re working on yourself in order for you to pursue a friendship one day. To forgive is a crucial step in recovering from a break up and I will be posting about forgiveness in the week to come.
My opinions on this
Tell yourself that you’re only as happy as you decide to be. No one can make you feel anything without your consent. Only you can control what you feel. Working towards recovery after a breakup is hard work. It’s constantly forcing yourself to avoid any negativity and focus on something else.
Some motivational quotes
Lastly, stop thinking about later today and tomorrow. Focus on the present, the here and now. Focus on setting yourself tasks for the next hour and just make sure you complete them. Reward yourself with a cup of tea or something afterwards and then focus on the next hour. It might sound stupid, but it’s the only way you’re going to get through the bad days in once piece. Mini-relationships really aren’t important enough to compromise your mental health.
If you’re ever in a situation with someone who is heartbroken after a mini-relationship, give them the support they need. Sometimes the shortest lived love stories hurt the most! You might also benefit from reading my post on Love Languages
If you’ve ever been in a situation like that, let me know in the comments if you think these tips would be helpful to others!
Thank you for reading